Pedophiles in the World of Warcraft

With over 11.5 million subscribers to the World of Warcraft, you have to wonder how many of these players are total creeps in general. Let's narrow it down to the most dangerous of motherfuckers. Pedophiles. Using the Fermi problem as an estimation model, let's make a few basic assumptions.

1) There are at least 2.5 million players in the WoW population in North America.

2) There are at least 490,000 registered sex offenders in the US.

3) About 2 of 3 sex offenders did super illegal stuff to under-aged people (are pedophiles).

4) There are around 309,153,000 people in the US.

5) There are around 528,720,588 people in North America.

Based upon the above assumptions, we can estimate the number of pedophiles in the US:

(fraction of sex offenders that are pedophiles in the US) x (all sex offenders in the US) = (pedophiles in the US)

(2/3)*490,000=326,667

Now given the US and North America populations, we can extrapolate that there are

(fraction of pedophiles in the US) x (North American population) = (pedophiles in North America)

(326,667/309,153,000)*528,720,588=558,673

With the total pedophile estimation in North America, we will apply it to the fraction of WoW players in North America.

(fraction of WoW players in North America) x (pedophiles in North America) = (pedophiles in North America that play WoW)

(2,500,000/528,720,588)*558,673=2,642

Finally we can arrive at a percent of North American WoW players that are pedophiles.

2,642/2,500,000=0.10568%

About 0.11% of North America WoW players are convicted pedophiles. There could be more! That's fucking scary! For every 1000 players on your server, at least one of them is a pedophile!

Further more, if there are about 200 US servers, than 2,500,000, then 2,500,000/200=12,500, and 12,500*0.011=137.5! This means there are 138 lurking pedophiles on your server!

This one time, I rolled a female dwarf rogue called Samantha, but I deleted it and someone took the name later on. Anyways, people actually believed I was some sort of 12 year old girl, and kept giving me free shit like bags, loot rolls, and dungeon runs. There is something wrong with this one hunter who would greet me every time I logged in and would tell me everything about his day. Creepy much? I played along and got tons of free stuff, yay! That's how you make lots gold kids without any work at all while leveling from 1 to mid 40s!

TLDR: It is estimated that there are about 138 pedophiles on your server!

Gear Progression

Notice the big shoulder pads.

Wtf is wrong with herbalism?

Don't get mad at me, get mad at vegans! They do this stuff all the time! I need my glyph of bumpunch!

Laser Turkey Moonfire

The Crazy Walrus Peeps

This is a walrus people. They like to steal children. You see, they will sell you a very nice fishing pole (also seen in the picture), but only under the condition that you bring them an inordinate amount of wolverine people-kids. They want them under the guise of "Planning for the Future," since they also send you to KILL THE FREAKING WOLVERINE PEOPLE! What the heck is wrong with these guys? They are all like, "I'ma let you finish, but AMG I KILL YOU!" And then they send some douchebag in to steal the now orphaned children. By shoving them in a bag. 12 of them at a time. In a single bag. All for a better fishing rod. These walrus peeple are truly the most evil beings in all of Northrend.

Seriously, what would you do if you saw some dood shoving children in a sack?

Celestial Steed

Welcome to Dalaran.

How to play a retribution paladin

Everyone makes fun of paladins and how they're so easy to play, that everyone's mom plays a paladin. That's because they are! I can show YOUR mom how to play a ret pally! She can even take on the Lich King!

Set your hot bar like in the image above. 1 for Judgement (any), 2 for Divine Storm, 3 for Consecrate, and 4 for Crusader Strike. Optionally, you can set Divine Shield and Hearthstone right beside each other. But bubble and hearth is essential for any good paladin hot bar set up.

First off, put on an aura, a blessing buff, and a damaging seal spell.

Now the rotation goes as follows: Bash hotkeys 1, 2, 3, and 4 at the same time. Voila, now you are a pro paladin. Ever wonder how your recount shows paladins doing insanely high dps? You can seriously just bash those 4 buttons all day with one hand and eat a taco in the other hand and still be super good dps!

How to play a bear druid

Right now, the easiest way for a beginner to play a bear druid is to make a face like this bear:

Set your hot bar ass shown in the image, and you too can as awesome as that bear (Swipe, Maul, Mangle, Faerie Fire, and Lacerate). When pulling multiple mobs, just bash the 1 and 2 keys as furiously as possible. For single target pulls, just simultaneously bash 2, 3, 4. Very easy right? But no class is easy mode. The trick in this case to be an awesome bear is to occasionally press 5. Easy right? One last gimmick, when your rage is getting full, just simultaneously bash 1, 2, 3, 4!

If this bear can be a pro tank, so can you! Just because bears have big paws that cannot accurately press a particular button doesn't mean you can't simultaneously bash a few buttons to win!

In the coming expansion, bears need updated models. I hope that they will have armor showing like this bear: